Ok hear me out. Not setting goals? Surely this goes against everything we've been told. Particularly in the world of coaching. To achieve something we must first define what it is, set a goal, make a plan of how to get there, then do it.
But it's often not that easy. If it were as simple as setting a goal and doing the work then people who wanted to be fit and slender would be, there would be no need for personal trainers. People who wanted to start a business, would just get on with it.
So why is it so hard to do what we set out to do?
The answer in most cases is simple - because we stand in our own way. It could be fear holding us back, or disorganization, or inertia (often fear in disguise). But the stealthy one we often miss, and it's the culprit here, is impatience.
You've probably heard that saying that most people over estimate what they can achieve in a month, and underestimate what they can achieve in a year. The reason for this is we often set a long term goal and then go at it like crazy for the first week, start to lose steam the second week, it's a struggle by the third and by the fourth we've declared we'll never get there and give up.
We do this because the goal we have set for ourselves is too far away, and we haven't broken it down into small enough pieces. What happens when we do this is we're constantly looking at that far away goal, but we don't really know the steps we can take today to get there.
I'll give you an example. A few years ago I joined a fitness class. I should clarify, I'm in my forties and no gym bunny. My schedule allowed me to train at 9 in the morning, which meant many in the class were in the 65 and beyond age category. It amazed me that even though I was one of the youngest there I was by no means the strongest. These men and women in their sixth and seventh decade were lifting heavy. Weights I couldn't ever imagine myself lifting they were able to handle with ease. I was awed, and a little intimidated, so I told myself that they had obviously just been athletes in their youth and were exceptional people. Although I admired them, I never thought it would be possible to do what they do.
But every week I showed up and trained anyway. I didn't have a long range goal, I only wanted to keep fit in the moment. I started on the 8lb weights, but quickly set my sights on the 10lbs. I was amazed when only six months after I started with the 10lbs, I seemed to be ready for the 12lb, then a year later I was incredulous when I lifted the 15lb. Two years down the line I just started working with the 20lbs. These were the weights I saw the others working with back at the beginning. I had achieved what I hadn't realize I wanted.
Why did I achieve this goal I never set for myself?
I didn't set a goal, I set an intention - it might seem like semantics but the difference these two approaches creates for motivation is huge. A goal means you're focused on the outcome. Whereas with an intention you're focusing on the input. Instead of saying to myself I wanted to lift the 20lbs in two years, I instead said to myself I should just work out 2-3 times a week and try to lift as heavy as I could in the moment.
By not setting that distant goal I removed the temptation to be constantly looking at the finish line and despairing that it was so far away. Instead, I was able to focus on the workout just today, on the next step on the path. And if you keep taking step after step, in time, you will reach your destination.
Patience - it took two long years of training to get there. By not allowing myself to set that long range goal, I wasn't tempted to be impatient in my quest for it. If I had known how long it would take I think I would have been daunted and never started on the road.
What can we learn?
Setting an intention can be more motivating and effective than striving for a goal.
Goal setting is valuable, but long term goals are not enough. They're only useful when broken into smaller actionable chunks.
Sometimes we need to remove the focus on the distant goal in order to action the baby steps today.
Patience is the key to taking all the steps necessary to reach your goal, and the key to patience is to allow yourself to just look at what you're doing today.
Comments